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CYCM 16/03/19: Synth You’ve Been Gone

CYCM 16/03/19: Synth You’ve Been Gone

It may come as something of a surprise to you all, but we’re no fans of the Daily Express here at CYCM Towers (we say ‘towers’; a dilapidated shed with a faded Percy Thrower poster on the wall’s more accurate).
In between endless Diana conspiracy theories and outlandish, end of days weather forecasts, the paper spends its time trying to out-Daily Mail, well, the Daily Mail, with its hyperbolic moral rantings, angry rhetoric on Brexit and gleeful scapegoating of immigrants.
Try as it might however, the Express continually fails to usurp the Mail as the number one paper of choice for vexed, middle-aged right-wingers who enjoy a bit of vein-throbbing inducing moral outrage.
You’d almost feel sorry for them, if wasn’t for all the bile, hate, and the fact they walked away from that magnificent Art Deco building of theirs on Great Ancoats Street back in the eighties.

Luckily however, there are loads of ace things associated with the word Express, which makes up for the bad taste the paper leaves in the mouth: bonkers musical about anthropomorphised trains, Starlight Express, 1978 prison movie Midnight Express, everyone’s favourite coach company National Express, and now, to add to that list, our turn this Saturday: Jake Hardman of Blackley synth-pop outfit, The Phat Express.

We’ve got some stone-cold Malcolmses favourites joining Jake on the bill this Saturday, so read on to find out more:

Poppadom Preach
Vegan Ronay’s going to be dishing up a Madras curry with brown rice and a poppadum to his ever-growing band of followers this week, while the traditionalists among you enjoy tater ash and cheese & onion pies from Westwells. There’s nothing preachy about Vegan Ronay. He’s quietly confident though that, 150 years from now, give or take a decade or two, every single one of us will be enjoying a plant-based diet. Who knows, CYCM might even have got the acoustics sorted by then. (Don’t bet on it.)

Quiz by George Irwell
Karl foxed everyone last week with his Hereford-tinged trickery. If you’re halfway up his scorecard for York you’re doing well.

Angry Bear: No Man is a Stone Island
Bring your ointment, because you’ll be needing treatment once today’s poet has finished. He’s in a category of his own. More Sun Tzu than Sun Jihai, he knows how to mystify, mislead and surprise other firms: just start lobbing rhyming couplets when they least expect it.

Take a cruise to China, or a train to Spain
Picking up the mike from Angry Bear on Saturday, Jake Hardman couldn’t be more aptly named. Who knew that round the penthouses on Victoria Avenue and the pavements of Plant Hill Road they’re still dancing to the Human League and Depeche Mode? We’d no idea. Then we heard ‘It’s No Fun Dancing On Your Own’ and now we just can’t get enough of The Phat Express and their North Manchester disco angst: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GdZEHkQSbJ8

Timings (May be subject to last-minute additions or amendments):
1.00 Doors open
1.30 Si kicks things off
1.40 Quiz by George Irwell
1.55 Mither poetry by Angry Bear
2.15 Jake Hardman

Just so you know: if you come looking for us in the St. Mary’s Road End, then, well, you’re in the right place, because that’s our permanent gaff. Just head to the turnstiles and make your way about two-thirds down the SMRE. You can’t really miss us as we have a big, dock off stage for a start, plus a flag with a massive caravan drawn on it.
And as always: entrance to CYCM is completely freemans, with the usual rules applying: no divviness, nuclear weapons or people who don’t wonder how many bottles of hair product Ted Danson went through in his time on Cheers. Refugees welcome.

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First Posted ~ 13:41 Wed 13 Mar 2019
News ID ~ 8303
Last Updated ~ 14:34 Mon 18 Mar 2019