CYCM 02/03/19: Only girls and football break your heart

We’ve got some proper culinary treats lined up for you this week. Vegan Ronay is preparing Veg Mex, or vegan tacos, while for the traditionalists among you Stu will be serving up Westwell’s legendary tater ash and cheese & onion pies. There’ll be muffins, too, from the queen of the jibbers. It’s always the quiet ones you’ve got to watch …

Like Metrolink we don’t commit to a fixed timetable, but we confidently predict things will unfurl more or less as follows:

1.00 Doors open
1.30 Geneviève L. Walsh
1.40 Quiz by George Irwell
1.55 John Darwin
2.15 The Demo

Some of them explained the offside rule even though I never asked
Someone once said that when United beat Barcelona in 1984, people could hear the roar of the crowd as far away as Middleton. That must be seven miles as the crow flies. Last week, the sound of a sigh in Fallowfield was audible in Audenshaw. The sigh of relief was Baz’s: he’d just heard that Geneviève had offered to step in as MC this week, while Si’s away on a stag do. Geneviève’s established herself as a firm favourite at Malcolmses this season, with two blistering sets of poetry. But be warned: she not only understands the offside rule, it crops up in one of her poems.



Down and out in Parrs Wood
George Irwell’s honour was restored last time out when three teams tied on seven out of eleven. He’s been quietly sharpening his questions all week to catch you out again. Don’t expect a point for Ronnie Radford, that’d be just too easy.

Whichever way I take, I meet myself returning
John Darwin is a familiar face from the Main Stand paddock. He’s also a published poet, and made his live debut at CYCM back in 2008. His first solo collection, I meet myself returning, a poetic travelogue from North Manchester to Istanbul and back, was published this week by Salford-based Flapjack Press. It’s full of memorable lines. One of the stand-out poems at the launch at Central Library in town began ‘I long to be in a song by Simon and Garfunkel’ and ended with a universal truth: Only girls and football break your heart. We know what you mean, John.



John hosted Write Out Loud Sale for two years. When he’s not hiding under his blanket in the Main Stand, he’s a member of the acclaimed poetry collective, A Firm of Poets, which has toured nationally and published two volumes of poetry, Holding your hand through hard times and The People’s Republic of Poetry. He’s also currently co-host at Spoken Weird in Halifax. Whatever you do, don’t miss his slot on Saturday. Matt Abbott, fellow poet, educator & activist, puts it more eloquently than we ever could: “John Darwin’s poems are when one pint with an old friend turns into six. When you spend five minutes walking around a city that you’ve never visited before, but somehow feel at home. His words are visceral, delicate, vulnerable and utterly engrossing.”


Stand ye calm and resolute
CYCM’s had a distinctly North Manchester vibe already this season, courtesy of Scuttlers and Dirty Laces. Scuttlers tipped us off about this week’s band, fellow Middleton rock ‘n rollers, The Demo. The word on the street is they named themselves after the Middleton contingent led by Sam Bamford to St Peter’s Field on 16 August 1819. We’re hoping that’s right, as that would make them the M24 Peterloo Peace People.



Formed eight months ago, they’ve headlined a series of gigs at venues including Night and Day and the Ruby Lounge in town; they’re now about to make their first foray into the recording studio. They’ll be treating us to a sneak preview with an unplugged set at Malcolmses. Their singer is a match-going red, but he’s spurning Southampton for us. A few months back, with Mourinho at the helm, we’d have been doing him a favour, but the boot’s on the other foot now so we’re doubly grateful to him for making the short hop to Moston. We’ll be bringing the smelling salts, though, for when he notices the price of the beer and food in the SMRE. You can follow The Demo’s graphic exploits on Facebook at @TheDemoBandPage and on Instagram and Twitter at @thedemoband



Just so you know: if you come looking for us in the St. Mary’s Road End, then, well, you’re in the right place, because that’s our permanent gaff now. Just head to the turnstiles and make your way about two-thirds down the SMRE. You can’t really miss us as we have a big, dock off stage for a start and there’s usually someone with a clipboard and microphone, looking bewildered. And as always: entrance to CYCM is completely freemans, with the usual rules applying: no divviness, nuclear weapons or anyone who, although not referring to people as ‘guys’ themselves, don’t see anything wrong with adult Mancunians using the term liberally. Remember: to do nothing is to enable. Refugees welcome.