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CYCM: New Kidneys on the block...

FC United of Manchester play Thistowniscominglikeachasetown at 3pm this Saturday.

Course You Can Malcolm as a venue is Carlo Sartori chest hair. The brickwork walls are a very poor-on-the-mincer brick. The place only has two opening windows. That’s two windows. And Carlos, never mind Carlo would struggle to burgle them.

There’s also a daft telly behind the stage so when Rustle tries to take any artistic pics of the turns all that you get is a telly. And that annoys him, so we don’t let him do it so as to save ourselves his moaning.

The carpet is a daft blue colour. There’s a talentless pod of a fake timber bar stuck in the middle of our venue. There’s an annoyingly enormous window to one side with no openings so that all it does is let in the sun to further increase the lack of air. The polystyrene ceiling tiles look as if they really wanted to be made of asbestos and are still quite cross about it that they’re not. The stairs get on your nerves. They shouldn’t as they’re just stairs. But they do.

Outside of cup games, when we only open one stand, it can only get folk from the Manchester Road End in so it’s never as true as we’d always wanted it to be.


And yet every Saturday home game last season the ‘Sorry, Flup’ signs went up. We’ve learnt over the last five years that anyone you want to play in August is either doing a festival or is at a festival. With the proliferation of festivals recently this has got worse. The Oddies always hope for no Saturday home games in August. This fits in perfectly with our ethos: football only really begins when there is a coat involved. From the hairiest heights of the September the 3rd game against Bushall, up to Christmas we’re booked up with some wondrous delights and the jiggeryist of jiggeryness. So take advantage this Saturday and have a parrot with your fellow reds who took that decision all those Mays ago. You just can’t buy the warmth we’ve made.

We’ve got Andy Walsh doing a Q and A about all things Moston at 1pm ish and Two Twomowers will also reveal the questions he may, or possibly may not have been asking of the players over the summer in the much missed ‘This team is sheet.’


We just love that cuddly man, Murrjy. When you comeback, as a one and only one-off, the Course You Can Malcolm crowd is going to cheer you, you rouge-faced, 365-day-Santa Claus of a human being. Everything we are, you were there with us. The old song of ‘Seven days is too long, without you Murrjy, come on back to us’ is going to rattle those asbestos tiles and they’ll turn to stars and sprinkle down. A dust worth breathing.

So come to our first home game, it’d be as lovely to see you there, the usual perms and conditioners of one member, one guest apply. Memberships are available on the door. Very shallow football fans tire people with the ‘in anyname we trust’ clichés and expect us to be impressed or moved by their sincerity. In Murrjy, we just knew. Nothing is ever going to change that. That Moston MIP Market day, within the boundaries of our city is getting closer and closer. That’s not a tick from one of the big placcy clocks sold on the stalls, it’s your beating hearts documenting that rundown to this time next year. Together, as always, to the next three points.

Spirit, patience, gentlenessly yours

The Oddsall library that won’t be closed.

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First Posted ~ 16:09 Sat 20 Aug 2011
News ID ~ 3713
Last Updated ~ 16:09 Sat 20 Aug 2011