FC United of Manchester FC United of Manchester FC United of Manchester

FC United of ManchesterSmaller TextLarger Text

CYCM. The Moston free at last, free at last glee party...

This Saturday FC United of Manchester play Nantwich Victormatureia. Hold it, who is even slightly interested? All right, so we might maintain our play-off challenge, we might get to them, we might win them, we might get promoted to the Northern Conference or Conference North as they insist on calling it in a west Gorton/Gorton north manner, but of what consequence is that when we are going to Broadhurst Fields in a bit? This has been a victorious and glorious season whatever happens. And whatever happens we’re going back within the boundaries of our city and I for one want to kiss everyone I see. Believe me this can have repercussions.

What fool now could say this thing of ours lacks tradition? This club of ours has kept to its traditionally traditional traditions of trying to build grounds where my family are buried. I’ve got a brother and sister in Phillips Park cemetery near Ten Acre and my granddad and grandma are in St Joseph’s by the new proposed site. I suppose it’s nice to walk past a bit of family history when going to a game so it’s considerate of the club to do that for us. All grounds should be near a cemetery. It makes it uncomfortable for away fans in those dark winter months. It also gives Mike Duff the chance to do his ‘Hey, dig your own up’ joke as he’s leant on the wall looking outwards. Also it gives us the chance, in better times, to emulate Napoli fans when Maradona was there. They put ‘You don’t know what you’re missing’ on the cemetery walls. Although, I suppose we have to be wary of the mistakes of Glasgow who put ‘Arise ye starvelings’ on theirs.

The new ground also gives me an opportunity to do a version of something I could never do before. When reds do the song, to the tune of ‘London Bridge is falling down’ they sing ‘I was born at St Mary’s, I hate City.’ I could never sing it as I was born at home. I can now sing ‘I was bored at St Mary’s, I hate City’ as St Mary’s is the closest primary school to our new ground and that’s where I went. I might very well point at the school as I’m singing it in the ground in the not too distant future. Perhaps I’ll sing it once, on my seasonal ‘spend my goon token’ day for we all get one goon token to spend a season. That’s another traditionally traditional tradition. It’s almost a traditionally traditional tradition to say traditionally traditional tradition as it’s now that traditional.

I have obviously played on Broadhurst many, many times for St Mary’s School. Our teacher used to call our team The Lightbowne Lavatory Door Bangers. He thought he was going to get a laugh every week by saying it. Every week. I can’t remember the teacher’s name but I remember The Lightbowne Lavatory Door Bangers joke that he lived by. They say you always remember your special teacher. Or is that just St Bede’s?

And that’s one of the thingle most importhant things one can thsay about this thing of ours. You know it’s all for the greater good of everyone but there is always something lovely that each individual can say for it that makes it theirs. It’s all contained in the song, and if you don’t know the tune then shape up and find out as you should. The song goes:

On a Sunday they’re mine,
On a Monday they’re mine,
On a Tuesday they’re mine,
On a Wednesday they’re mine,
On a Thursday they’re mine,
And on a Friday they’re mine,
But on a Saturday they’re ours,
FC United are ours…

And on that musical note we turn to the turns.


Louche FC return to CYCM. Well, we say return. As many attendees know Louche FC had a drummer problem and they couldn’t make last time. It was the drummer’s fault. It’s always the drummer. Kyoko the singer was truly devastated. Anyway they’re back in all their loveliness this Saturday. They’re playing Night and Day on Oldham Street on the 16th of April for Piccadilly Records. One of the top swots who runs Piccadilly Records is a club member and CYCM stalwart. Small world, you wouldn’t like to Pledge it then buff it up with a pot towel though.


As a friend that hurt putting Adam’s name in capitals but I suppose we’ll let him off for the graft he’s put into getting us to Broadhurst Fields. Adam’s a staunch friend of CYCM and he will be doing a question and answer session again so gather up your giddiness and let it flow. We know you could have asked questions at the Methodist Hall on Thursday but we know some of you are shy in bigger surroundings. Adam will be on early at one o’clock’ish so get yourself in, refreshmented up, fooded up and settled.


Blaine informs us:

“Frodsham 1st Lite, 3.8 abv. A robust, full flavoured, pale bitter beer, with grapefruit and varying citrus tones and ‘stay in the mouth’ after taste. Made with Halcyon malt and late hopped with three American hops”.

A ‘stay in the mouth after taste?’ it’s all very St Bede-y today.


You know what the regular other bits of biz are. They’re as excellent as always. Besides Murrjy’s jokes obv. This week the Specky Librarian – who is still in stitches over the JB Shorts joke ‘A bloke goes into a library and says ‘Can I have a book about suicide?’ And the librarian points at him with a scowly face and says ‘No, you won’t bring it back’ - anyway the Specky Librarian has baked banana and choc chip muffins.

And, outside of all the bits I’ve forgotten, that’s it. Doors open 12 o’clock, usual member plus guest rules. Come and toast the new ground in style by getting in to your Malcolmses, your pub. The pub that has kept you going through the dark times of Buryism and will get its little CSI-type-torch out and point the way to Moston. This little act of Mancunian independence of ours has raised countless funds for this thing of ours. And outside of the obvious Ratfink gig, we can all say it’s been all our pleasure to do so. We’ve done it and we do it in the United way. And what other possible way could there be for us? Together, as always, to the next three points…

Fraternally yours,

The Ichabods.

A more ‘over 18’ version of this appears on www.afinelung.com, the FC United of Manchester unofficial web site, as Lindsey our brilliant club secretary has to maintain a young-person-friendly official web site and we understand that. We’re just a bit rough and can’t help being a bit rougher at times. It’s a good job she’s there.

Home Email Facebook Reddit

First Posted ~ 13:28 Fri 8 Apr 2011
News ID ~ 3519
Last Updated ~ 13:28 Fri 8 Apr 2011