FC United of Manchester Vanarama Logo FC United of Manchester Vanarama Logo FC United of Manchester Vanarama Logo

FC United of ManchesterSmaller TextLarger Text

CYCM. January sails

January the first sees the millionth Malcomses of the season. It’s going to be an unusual day as the vast majority of you will have been excessing the night before. We retract that last statement as it won’t be unusual as the vast majority of you excess on every pre-match eve.

The thing is, surprisingly, not everyone outside of our Red world does. As a consequence we cannot get hold of the nosebag we usually provide as our suppliers, who supply us with the freshly cooked goods we usually present, are not working as it’s a bank holiday. The workshy fops. We’ve not got the facilities or health-and-safety-meeting pernicketyness that’s required to do our own food on site. So we’re foodless.

Also to put on music at Malcomses requires the performers, who perform for free, to be there for half twelve’ish. This might mean loading up your van from 11’ish. The sort of young bands we are putting on are not going to be staying in on New Years Eve. Being Rocking-and-a-Rollying’ing they are going to be excessing as we are. They therefore wouldn’t pass any breath tests in the morning. And that would be after seeing if they all could collectively get up. Consequently we won’t be having any live music on.

Except we are. And he’s a little genius.

The odd-carriers got together in The Castle in town in late October to schedule who they wanted on. It’s like being a manager planning the transfer window moves - you don’t always get the band you want, some are good but wouldn’t fit the ethos, some divide opinion on their attributes, others you wouldn’t stick up your samaras. But as we all sat round the wobbly, cheap copper-panel-beaten table, we all agreed on one name. And we set out to get him.

I first saw him a few years back in Albert Square performing on some stage. He had a United cap on. He had a little cult following. He is proper odd. And that’s coming from our lot who are not behind the odd-door at being odd. Through further listening on his websites you got to know him more. Some of his work is crumpet-toasting-with-butter-and-tea-in-a-china-cup warming others are achingly soulful and squash your ribcage with the weight of intensity. Others are just plain pots-for-rags potty. He is without doubt the most eccentric Mancunian performing on the Manchester circuit. You might have seen him at music venues around Manchester sketching the bands at the front of the stage. He’s an accomplished artist.

If you went to Malcolmses on the postponed game on the 22nd of December you might also have seen him. He came to suss out our venue as sometimes, when we are telling complete strangers what we are doing, they can’t really comprehend it. It’s not that surprising as we are without doubt a unique venue. And we’re not using the word ’unique’ wrongly there. We are the only ones doing what we are doing, game in, game out.

He came into the venue in a luminous orange Network Rail coat and a white hard hat. We took him around and showed him what we are doing and why we are doing it. He’s got a very little voice. His lungs must be the size of a two year old to get a voice so gentle. We hamfistedly pushed him around the venue, blathering on as we do, pushing our positives under our FC United of Manchester nelly of the ’where-love-is-the-licensee’. And when we had finished rambling he just said - "I would love to play here." The odd-carriers were elated. And we had International One playing at the time so it had a lot to be elated against.

He’s coming just with his guitar and so it will be gentle on the hang-over’d-ears and heads of you all. We’re having nothing else on before him as it’s a beginning of the year get together. A time for parroting and consolidating and preparing ourselves to get behind that team we all own.

On January the first 2008, Course You Can Malcolm is proud to sail into the second half of the season with the appreciated, the whacking-off-in-my-tool-shed brilliance, the Mancunian twinkling, tinkling starlet that is Gideon Conn. If music be the provisions of love then the loss of the tater hash will be compensated for with a north Manchester modern day minstrel. And not the sort Galaxy do.

Having said that we have a variety of sealed butties - that’s not butties with seal on them as we’re not sure what seal tastes of. If it was nice we’d have it I’m sure. It’d be something to blubber on about at least. To compensate for such acts of animal murder we also have an homemade vegetarian curry and rice made by Chris Boulderstone. Even when everything is against us, this club of ours, and its supporters, seem to pull something out.

Usual beers, rules and conditions apply. Members only with members able to sign one guest in. Doors open 1pm. Get there very early as the usual lock-out is sure to ensue. No one wants to be stood there like orphan Annie.

Fraternally yours,

The Malcomses odd-carriers.




Home Email Facebook Reddit

First Posted ~ 10:23 Wed 2 Jan 2008
News ID ~ 1391
Last Updated ~ 12:55 Mon 21 May 2018