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Course you can Malcolm

CYCM:It’s the Earl’s Court of the north…no, sorry, that was BOC…

The fourth Course You Can Malcolm sees an unsigned Manchester band called Optional Wallace playing. Neil from the band, as well as not using hair straighteners, was a season ticket holder at big United til last season. Unfortunately the poor lad had to give it up due to ill health as he used to sit a couple of rows behind Found-a-Fiver, the boingy’ess lad that’s ever boinged. He got white finger off him.

Again the band is kindly donating their 22 minutes free of charge. They come fresh from a weekend of showcasing at the ‘In The City’ event. And again they come highly recommended by Revolution Radio’s Conrad Murray. Conrad also manages the ridiculously admired Courteeners, so we wish him all the success there. If you’ve not heard of The Courteneers then there’s a possibility you live in a hole. It might be a very nice hole, but it is still a hole. So get out more. Come to CYCM.

No one is saying that Optional Wallace are going to follow The Courteeners onto the front pages of the music press. Or are they? That would be up to you to come and witness whether you think they might be. That’s the beauty of seeing unsigned, cheeky-chop-charlie beat combos, there’s always that possibility to say ‘I saw them when they were city sized.’ Optional Wallace have been played by XFM, Revolution, Steve Lamaq and John Kennedy and have ran their own BUSK night for the last three years.

The three piece are from Withington, Stretford and Warrington. The Warrington lad being good for getting towels, curtains, cups and candles from Ikea for the Mam’s of the rest of the band.

Before the band come on the stage it is CYCM’s absolute honour to welcome onto the not-stage, Miles Platting’s Mike Duff, author of Lowlife and Hatcheck Boy and a million other beautiful short stories. Mike is going to do about 11 minutes, reading out some of his poetry both rhyming and unrhyming. He’s going to be doing some, as yet unheard, Barry Newroad stuff – if you’ve not read any Barry Newroad then your ears are in for a pampering. And a cuffing.

He is also going to be reading a love story called ‘Have you ever been lonely?’ about a couple from north Manchester called Jack and Liz. It’s a true story. If you are unmoved then your heart is made of bone. And bile. It’s a controversial story about how love will not be conformed. It comes as it comes. Sometimes with uncomfortable, sometimes socially unacceptable, contortions. Mike wrote it while pixelated at the races at Market Rasen.

Many years ago he was outside The Notts Castle on Oldham Road when Jack and Liz went past. Jack serenaded Liz with the Patsy Cline number ‘Have you ever been lonely?’ right there on the Miles Platting/Collyhurst border. He was deeply in love with her. She idolised, idolised, idolised him. There was no other girl for him and he was ashamed to tell no one. There was no other man for her and she was ashamed to tell no one.

They were recognised as inseparable lovers. One day he finds her dead. He deteriorates rapidly and dies broken. He’s lost his love. There is no reason to live without that love. But there was something in their relationship that was not tolerable. When Mike has read this story before to an audience he was booed. Who is to tell who judges what love is, how it is, where it meanders, where it rushes, how it gets there?

Mike Duff is made for listening to whilst having a beer. Come and listen. Don’t leave.

So that is it. Usual rules and conditions apply. Get there late, you don’t get in because it’s packed and there’s always Reds locked out. Doors open 1pm. Members only with members being able to sign one non-member in. Don’t eat dinner before coming in as our addictive, Openshaw £2 tater hash and pie crust is available. Last time it had ‘1878’ written on it in pie crust by the baker. Aww. We’ve ordered extra as you lot could shop at Big Scene in Stevenson Square you porky panted people you. The usual real ales, lagers and ciders are there to luxuriate in.

All reviews of Course You Can Malcolm appear only in the programme. All written by new writers. Get yourself one, it’s yours.



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First Posted ~ 10:24 Mon 29 Oct 2007
News ID ~ 1259
Last Updated ~ 17:14 Fri 11 Oct 2013