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Course You Can Malcolm

Course You Can Malcolm.

The Manchester club night that just happens to be in the afternoon and at the wrong end of the tramline"¦

FC United of Manchester have an 80 capacity venue within Gigg Lane. We are starting a club night called ’Course You Can Malcolm.’ It’s in what Bury folk call Starkies. We intend to put on one unsigned, Manchester band before FC United of Manchester Saturday home games over the course of the season. I suppose this makes it a ’club afternoon’ rather than a ’club night’.

After two seasons, and football matters sorting themselves out acceptably on the pitch, it’s time to sort out the other important matters.

Anyone who knows anything about football knows that football is not about football. Anyone who does not know that knows nothing about football. Your loved ones, friends, beer, music and football should always go together. We now have an opportunity to make it so.

We intend that bands get 22 mins to play - one minute for each player that’ll be going onto the pitch at 3 o’clock that afternoon. 22 minutes is an attention span friendly amount of time for an audience. The bands are playing for free, which is very nice of them. There’s not even a stage. They just get bunged in a corner with only a bit of Hacienda yellow and black hazard tape on the floor between themselves and you not-that-handsome lot.

The game against Harrogate Railway Athletic will see Little Engine from Chorlton playing. They have been described by Conrad Murray from Revolution Radio as definitely going to be the next band from Manchester to make it. This might very well prove to be a Gary-Birtles-burden on them. Or it may not. By coming along you can see for yourself and say you were there before they were famous. The Course You Can Malcolm volunteers still think that you can’t beat a good skiffle band so our opinion is not that valid.

The gates are open at dead on 1.30. It’s first come, first served for members. They can sign a guest in. It’s freemans in. Very few things are cheaper than freemans. If any.

We’ve organised tater hash from an independent, Openshaw bakery. We’ve organised bottled real ales and lagers from Three Rivers brewery. This means that when our supporters are leaving the game they will have had an independent Manchester brewed beer, food made by an independent Manchester bakers, heard some undercurrent Manchester music and seen FC United of Manchester. And it will still only be a quarter to five on a Saturday.

Detractors said we couldn’t form a fan owned, football club as were ragpicking proletariats who just weren’t clever enough. We’ve proved those misinformed miscreants wrong.

Everyone working on ’Course You Can Malcolm’ will be independent music loving, FC United of Manchester volunteers, working for free. Only a disingenuous galloot would give Reds, who are trying so hard to create a successful venue, a hard time. So don’t. We’ll make mistakes. Only Eric hasn’t. So shape up and encourage and we’ll get there.

Any scant profits made will be ploughed back into ensuring that future days go ahead and that racketeering charlatans, that seem to be prevalent in football club ownership at present, do not win in our city. We intend to build an honorable music venue to serve the aspirations and provide the outlet, for embryonic Manchester music.

On the empirical evidence of the football club we have built so far, detractors would again be foolish to doubt our abilities to gain what is ours, for us. It would be lovely if you’d join us.

Fraternally yours,

The ’Course You Can Malcolm’ Hod Carriers.



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First Posted ~ 17:33 Fri 7 Sep 2007
News ID ~ 1162
Last Updated ~ 12:55 Mon 21 May 2018